Fragmented memories of my life…

I have NO idea why, but memories of my past are always fragmented. I don’t know why my mind works this way. Everything I think I ever knew about myself, places I may or may not have been, people I may or may not have met, nothing seems real. I found out things that I will never get answers about, because those with the answers have all left this world. Everyone in my family who ever gave a damn about me enough to make sure I’m OK are all gone (Mom, Grandma, Grandpa… RIP)… Some days, I wonder if living is worth it any more, my life seems pointless. I feel like there is no reasons for me to wake up every day because all I can do is flip through my fucked up memory trying to figure what memories actually happened and which are illusions. My MS makes my head fog up so bad!! I can remember song lyrics and titles better than I remember my own fucking life!! I feel as if I am the only person whose memory keeps jumping about. If there’s ANYONE else who’s head is in such disarray, PLEASE talk to me… Let me know I’m not alone! I feel like I’m going mad! I think I was a working, productive member of society, once upon a time… FUCK YOU, MS!!

Yes Obesity is OK

Dances With Fat

Reality and PerceptionIs Obesity OK?  That’s the questions the New York Times posed to readers on their opinion page. Is Obesity OK?

I hate the trope that “fat is the last acceptable prejudice” it’s demonstrably false, and patently offensive to all of the people who are dealing with prejudice that is acceptable to at least some people or it would be happening, and I would be super happy if nobody ever said it again.  On the other side of that, sometimes people insist to me that oppression of fat people isn’t really a thing – that fat stigma doesn’t really exist.  To them I say, the New York Times thinks it’s perfectly reasonable to invite people to casually debate whether or not fat people should be allowed to exist in their opinion column.

Here is where someone is going to say that they’re not debating whether it’s ok if we exist…

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Not having a good life…

I want to just vent a bit. I wish I were an outgoing person, but it’s kinda hard to do that because when I try to talk to people, they look right through me as if I’m not there, or walk away as if I said nothing. (Once, at a shopping mall, I thought someone next to me was talking to me but he was actually talking to someone else… I was RIGHT BETWEEN these two people, and they were having a fucking conversation practically THROUGH me! It was as if I was not there, though I was right between them… People tend to move away from me on buses unless there’s nowhere else to sit… I try to be friendly, to no avail… I am becoming more and more withdrawn, and I am shrinking back inside a shell I have been trying to escape from my entire life… I feel like I am ugly and useless, and my life is not worth living.  If anyone thinks I like being me, they are SORELY mistaken. I want help, but I do not know where to turn,,, And NO, I do not want someone telling me “god” will help me, I will never become “christian”, or ANY other religious type… My own MOM (May she R.I.P.) could not make me believe in any of that, and I loved her dearly, regardless of her inability to accept me as her non-believing daughter. Is it REALLY too much to ask for people to respect my not believing in any deities? I respect everybody else’s right to believe in whatever higher power that they see fit to worship, yet most people who do believe in god don’t respect my (and other atheists) right to not believe… Anyhow, I just needed to say something, ANYTHING, so that I don’t explode from keeping it bottled up…  

Why Don’t Doctors Prescribe More Weight-Loss Drugs?

Fierce, Freethinking Fatties

Team Gnomercy

We don’t ask much of our readers, but we are asking you to support Casey in improving her mobility while fighting the fat haters. Read more here or click the image above to donate.

Weight LossFat HealthFat ScienceExerciseMy Boring-Ass LifeFat NewsWeight Loss SurgeryDickweedDiet Talk

Trigger warning: Discussion of weight loss drugs, weight loss statistics and weight loss surgery.

Can I just shake my head over this questionWeight Loss Drugs

<sarcasm>Could it be that those weight-loss drugs don’t really work for anyone who needs to lose more than ten pounds in order to hit that magical “ideal BMI” that’s going to guarantee them “health” for the rest of their lives? </sarcasm>

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From the vault: What Fat Acceptance means to me

Fierce, Freethinking Fatties

Team Gnomercy

We don’t ask much of our readers, but we are asking you to support Casey in improving her mobility while fighting the fat haters. Read more here or click the image above to donate.

Weight LossFat HealthExerciseMy Boring-Ass LifeWeight Loss SurgeryDickweedDiet Talk

Four years ago I posted this on my blog, Life on Fats. With the trolls on reddit devoting what they call their “lives” to mocking, shaming, and scarily obsessing over fat people, I thought it would be a good idea to repost this manifesto of what Fat Acceptance means to me, with a few changes, and what it should also mean to those who refuse to realize people with larger bodies are, well, people.

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I am NOTHING…

I am realizing that I have done absolutely nothing in my life that means anything or is worth anything. I have never truly lived at all… Nothing I say or do has any effect on anybody The world has never cared that Mary Elizabeth Brennan even exists… I do not know how I have made it to the age I am without impacting anyone… I look back at my life and all I can see is that I have been utterly alone for most of it. Awake nights with nobody to talk to… Life has no meaning or purpose for me, I have nowhere to go, nowhere I absolutely NEED to be where people would miss my presence if I were not there… NOTHING!! I am NOTHING!!

Vegan Fatty

I very rarely drink soda, I am a vegan who eats, at best, 2 meals a day, I walk everywhere or take buses… I do everything “they” say people should do to not be fat, yet I still am, I feel no shame over this, however,  as I am only human… So some of us fatties are not that way because of soda… Genetics, metabolism, among other things beyond our control (NO, not our appetites) make us the way we are… Maybe someday I’ll get my guts together and post a pic of myself (I am EXTREMELY camera shy)… Who knows? Bye 4 Now…