Hi, I’m back…

I know I don’t blog much, maybe I think I’m a bit too old to be keeping an online journal. Maybe not… I want to type my feelings about things, and, NO, I do not care if this ever gets read, I am only using this as a means to vent about life in general.  Some days, I am able to act as if I don’t suffer from crippling social anxiety (I even actually speak to strangers on the bus, occasionally), other days, all I want to do is stay home and surf Facebook, or browse Netflix because the thought of attempting to socialize seems as daunting as the thought of climbing Mt. Everest without any gear, not that I’d attempt mountain climbing (I’m afraid of heights, among other things…) I was using that only as a sort of analogy to illustrate my point of dealing with social anxiety. I guess, I am writing this because I feel I am much better at writing my thoughts than I am at actually speaking them. I have in my mind a LOT of things I would like to verbalize, yet when I attempt to do this, my thoughts go out from under me, and I stumble around like a drunk after an all night bender trying to find my words and voice. So, this is my way of getting my thoughts and feelings out so I don’t end up any crazier than I already am. I tend to bottle these things  up inside until I have a meltdown of epic proportions. I had one such episode a few days ago, I threw stuff all over the place, screamed a lot, and then fell in a sobbing heap onto my bed… Why?? I have NO clue why I do this sometimes. One such episode like the one described above, led me to attempt suicide in 2008 by OD-ing on prescription pain pills. This I did because I thought life was going too well, and I didn’t want to hang around long enough to watch it crash and burn… AGAIN…  Which, sadly, it did… AGAIN… But that’s a story for a different blog entry… See Ya 4 now…

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