Not having a good life…

I want to just vent a bit. I wish I were an outgoing person, but it’s kinda hard to do that because when I try to talk to people, they look right through me as if I’m not there, or walk away as if I said nothing. (Once, at a shopping mall, I thought someone next to me was talking to me but he was actually talking to someone else… I was RIGHT BETWEEN these two people, and they were having a fucking conversation practically THROUGH me! It was as if I was not there, though I was right between them… People tend to move away from me on buses unless there’s nowhere else to sit… I try to be friendly, to no avail… I am becoming more and more withdrawn, and I am shrinking back inside a shell I have been trying to escape from my entire life… I feel like I am ugly and useless, and my life is not worth living.  If anyone thinks I like being me, they are SORELY mistaken. I want help, but I do not know where to turn,,, And NO, I do not want someone telling me “god” will help me, I will never become “christian”, or ANY other religious type… My own MOM (May she R.I.P.) could not make me believe in any of that, and I loved her dearly, regardless of her inability to accept me as her non-believing daughter. Is it REALLY too much to ask for people to respect my not believing in any deities? I respect everybody else’s right to believe in whatever higher power that they see fit to worship, yet most people who do believe in god don’t respect my (and other atheists) right to not believe… Anyhow, I just needed to say something, ANYTHING, so that I don’t explode from keeping it bottled up…  

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